Showing posts with label Heartbreak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heartbreak. Show all posts
On Cory Monteith's death: 4 things I've learned about addiction
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
But then I realized the important value of speaking up. Because where taboo topics like these are concerned, not being a voice in the conversation is far worse than keeping things to yourself. And besides, addiction is something that hits very close to home for me. I've seen it take over loved ones, and unfortunately, have seen the heartbreaking wreckage it leaves in its wake. For better or for worse -- some days, I'm not sure which one -- addiction has touched me and changed me, just like it's touched and changed millions of people's lives around the world. So in the spirit of sharing, here are four things I've learned about addiction...
Addiction is an evil beast
Addiction is insidious. It sneaks up on you, and sometimes, you don't even see it coming. And, it has this tricky little habit of disguising itself as something beautiful, something you need -- maybe even something innocent. It lures you in and makes you believe that it's something you can't live without. Until, well, you really can't live without it. It's got a mind of its own. It knows all your weaknesses and pounces on them every chance it gets. It knows all the right words to say and makes sure those are the only words you actually listen to.
Addiction not only affects you...it affects everyone around you
This is the lesson I've learned all too well over the years. Addiction is a family disease, one made up of sleepless nights, pleas and lots of worrying. Because addiction is like a pebble thrown into the sea: The ripple effect can be felt for miles as addiction tries to get its tentacles around everyone and everything it possibly can. You wonder how you all got to this point. You wonder what the future will hold. And sometimes, you're even scared of the future. You'd do anything in your power to help your loved one, but eventually, you realize...
Addiction needs boundaries
You can't live for someone else. You can't let someone else's addiction control your life. You need to establish some firm boundaries -- and stick to them. It's so important to take care of yourself. This can be the most difficult thing in the world to do. Trust me, it's so easy to become enmeshed in someone else's disease, especially if you think you can solve all their problems, but that's just it. Ultimately, it's not your problem. It's not your disease. Of course, you can be there for support, but at the end of the day, the road to recovery has to be walked by the person facing the addiction.
Addiction doesn't have to mean a death sentence
There is help out there. Lots of it, actually. And unlike years ago, there is less of a stigma associated with addiction these days. There's no shame in admitting you need help. In fact, asking for help shows far more strength than trying to battle it all on your own. Taking the first step is painful, but it's necessary.
[Photos via We Heart It]
My Father's Suicide: 5 questions I'd ask him
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
This year, I've been thinking more about what our life would be like if my father was still alive. Part of me knows that it's sort of futile to let my mind wander there, sure, but another part of me just seems to drift there naturally. Especially on Father's Day, I'd see all these women with their fathers, and it made me think: What are they talking about? Is the father imparting lots of fatherly wisdom? Is the daughter fully appreciating what is happening right before her very eyes? What would I do if I were somehow in that position again? I'm not quite sure, but there are five questions I'd definitely ask him...
Did you really think we'd be better off without you here?
That's what he hinted at in his suicide note (I've only been able to read the suicide note a few times...), and this is one of the biggest issues I've wrestled with over the last decade. It's hard to wrap your head around the fact that your own father would consciously choose to leave you, that he'd actually want to leave his family behind.
Do you miss us?
Wherever he is, I often wonder if my father thinks of us or misses us. Is he watching over us? I like to think that he does miss us -- and maybe even regrets the choice he made. My father was such a family man, so it's hard for me to imagine him not missing us. As angry as I've been with him, I've always missed him deep down.
Why didn't you try...at least a little longer?
OK, this one may reflect my anger just a bit, but it's those "Why" questions of grief that linger the longest. Why couldn't he hold on awhile longer? Why didn't he tell us he was feeling so desperate? We would have dealt with it together, facing whatever challenges were head. Why...why...why?
What life and love advice would you give me?
The longer he's gone, the more I realize that there are so many things I won't be able to get my father's advice on. I won't be able to ask him for career advice. I won't be able to ask him what he thinks of potential Mr. Melissa Blakes. I won't even be able to roll my eyes at all that fatherly advice I'm sure he'd give me. It all leaves me feeling, well, a bit cheated. Those are experiences I was counting on having, and now I won't. My heart can't help but feel a bit empty.
Are you proud of me?
I don't care what people say: No matter how old you are, you'll always want your parents to be proud of you. To some degree, you'll always want their approval, that metaphorical gold star, if you will. I often wonder if my father would have read my blog and what he would have thought of my work. Would he like it? I miss having his positive, encouraging presence in my life.
[Photos via Le Love and We Heart It]
Don't Make Me
Monday, July 1, 2013
I feel like a slow-burning candle in an empty room
Slowly burning down to tiny flickering embers
And you, you ran off with those matches
Just look at what you've done...do you even remember?
I tried to stop myself from falling in love with you
But now I can't stop myself from wanting to
Oh, baby, I've got you to thank
You stole my heart and ran away
It's a haunted kind of lonely
The kind where you're gone but still here
It's quiet but I can still hear your voice pulling me in
Oh, baby, don't make me fall if you won't be there to catch me
It's this kind of unfinished emotion that keeps me up at night
Wondering what you're doing and if you wish you could go back
'Cause there I was, standing on the edge of something
It was bigger than myself and something I never planned
You're leaving much too soon
To leave me in this empty room
Oh, baby, I've got you to thank
You stole my heart and ran away
It's a haunted kind of lonely
The kind where you're gone but still here
It's quiet but I can still hear your voice pulling me in
Oh, baby, don't make me fall if you won't be there to catch me
I tried to stop myself from falling in love with you
But now I can't stop myself from wanting to
Oh, baby, I've got you to thank
You stole my heart and ran away
It's a haunted kind of lonely
The kind where you're gone but still here
It's quiet but I can still hear your voice pulling me in
Oh, baby, don't make me fall if you won't be there to catch me
Oh, baby, I've got you to thank
You stole my heart and ran away
It's a haunted kind of lonely
The kind where you're gone but still here
It's quiet but I can still hear your voice pulling me in
Oh, baby, don't make me fall if you won't be there to catch me
[Photo via Le Love]
Shame On You: Parents who hire disabled tour guides at Disney World
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
It goes without saying that all of this is truly gross. To think it's in any way appropriate, as an able-bodied person, to take advantage of systems that have been put in place to make life easier for those with physical disabilities is disgusting; to do so in order to assert your extreme privilege is despicable. It's wonderful (and necessary!) that there's a Disney tour service out there catering to those with special needs; to co-opt it as a means of further spoiling advantaged rich kids is shameful, oblivious, and demeaning.
I've tried so hard never to let my disability be the crutch in my life, as if it was something I could easily fall back on and use as a wild card whenever I needed to. You're sadly undermining a lot of the work I and other people with disabilities have done over the years. Work to change society's perception of disabilities. Work to show people that a disability doesn't have to define your life. Thank you for putting us back just a teensy bit in our efforts.
I know it may not seem like it, but you're effectively telling your children that it's OK to abuse services meant for other, more-deserving candidates. Your attitude is, frankly, despicable, deplorable and disgraceful. You should most definitely be ashamed of yourself. I know I am. UN-xoxo
[Photos via We Heart It]
An Open Letter To Abercrombie & Fitch
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
It's your "You're-not-good-enough" mentality.
Because, let's just be real for a minute here. We both know that's the whole crux of your marketing objective -- to make young women self-conscious and inferior. You want them to look at your perfectly crafted ads and stare longingly at your perfect models wearing your perfect clothes. And then you want them to do everything they can to become part of your own "in" crowd. You want them to change. And if they don't, well, you want to have nothing to do with them. It's true. You've actually said it yourself. You don't want what you call "fat chicks" wearing your brand; bad for business, huh? Maybe that's why you refuse to carry any size larger than a 10?
You spoke to Robin Lewis for his book The New Rules of Retail, who says...
“He doesn’t want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people. He doesn’t want his core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they’re one of the ‘cool kids.’”
Three words: Shame on you. No, wait, I've got nine words for you: You. Are. A. Sorry. Excuse. For. A. Human. Being. A sorry, pitiful excuse, indeed. I could think of other choice words, but I like to think I'm a lady and all, so I'll just keep those words to myself. But do you want to know what's really disgusting? People who perpetuate such superficial stereotypes and only look at beauty in terms of black and white with zero shades of gray in the middle. And what's even more despicable? People who seeks to capitalize by preying on young women's shaky self-confidence. Young women have a hard enough time trying to figure out who they are in this big world -- don't make their journey even harder and even more complicated.
So I don't look like one of your scantily clad, perfectly proportioned models. I get that. I know that. And believe it or not, I'm really OK with that. I know I'll never have a body like that. But here's the best part: I don't want a body like that. Ever. There's something incredibly sexy and attractive about being real and being who you are. I wouldn't ever want to fall in love with someone who was pretending to be someone else, so why would I accept anything less for myself?
P.S. You brand yourself as being the casual, all-American style. Hmmm, looks like you might have some re-branding work ahead of you. I'm not industry expert, obviously, but something tells me that "Casual, all-American style as long as you're under a size ten; fatties need not apply" isn't the best slogan. Just a thought.
[Photos via We Heart It]
NYC Diaries: 6 tips for getting over any guy
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The breakup.
It’s sudden yet a long time coming, but that doesn't make the heartbreak hurt any less. It happens. And unfortunately, it happened to me just a few weeks ago when I found myself single and without my boyfriend for the first time in over two years. It was my first real long-term relationship, and it came crashing down around me in tiny broken pieces.
I wish I could say it’s been an easy process getting over my ex, but letting go of the first person I really loved after so much time together is not a particularly fun experience. In any case, I’ve been coping well with the help of supportive friends and 6 little tips I’ve been using to heal myself. So whether you’re just getting over a bad heartbreak or you’re trying to forget about the unavailable hottie you’re crushing on, try out these foolproof tips...
When you enter a relationship, you are declaring that some part of you belongs to the other person. Your identities, though separate, are shared to form a unit as a couple. So the last thing you want to do is keep being the same person you were when you were with your ex. A week after I broke up with my boyfriend, I went to the salon and had my hair dyed for the first time in my life. It’s now a lovely shade of deep red and (I think) better matches my personality. It wasn’t a very drastic change, but I did want to mix things up now that I’m becoming a different person apart from my ex.
Treat yourself
What girl doesn’t love to pamper herself every once in a while? Go to the spa, take a shopping trip or get yourself a present just because you’re worth it. I bought myself lilies and a beautiful new bracelet from Tiffany’s, and it makes me feel so fulfilled and independent knowing that I don’t need anyone else to get me flowers and gifts.
Date yourself
I hate when people tell the newly single to “spend some time alone.” The way they phrase it makes it sound lonely and horribly depressing. That’s why I prefer to “go on a date” with myself. Take yourself out to the movies or dinner and sit by the park with a great book. Enjoy your own company without needing someone to “complete” you.
Try something new
When you’re separating from someone you spent lots of time with and did so many things with, it’s important to find new hobbies and jump into something completely unrelated to your ex on your own. As for me, I started doing more yoga and joined a knitting circle my friend and her mother are hosting. These are things that have nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend and therefore don’t awkwardly bring up old memories or make me cry thinking about him.
Focus on friends
They've stood beside you through thick and thin, so you know they’ll have your back when you’re hurting. And chances are, your close friends will have experienced heartaches of their own and can relate to your pain. I’m really lucky that I have amazing friends who are constantly checking up on me and who are available to hang out when I need a tub of ice cream or just a good cry. They've felt it. They get it. And they know how to love me best.
Forgive
This is the hardest one for me. Forgiveness is not something that comes easily to most people. And I don’t just mean forgiving the other person for the wrongs they did. The worst is having to forgive yourself. I’m definitely not perfect, and I messed up a LOT in my last relationship. And while he’s no longer in my life to do the forgiving, I’m going to have to figure it out for myself. Am I completely done with this step? Honestly, no. I’m still working on letting things go and telling myself that I really do deserve love and happiness. But I’m getting there. And I know it’ll all be okay when I do.
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--By Caitlin from Stream of Caitlinness
[Photos via We Heart It]
MEMO TO MEN: Why cheating is unforgivable
Monday, January 28, 2013
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Do NOT pass GO...
DATE: January 28, 2013
Oh, boys. I was beginning to think I'd heard it all. After all, I'm starting to realize that you're capable of some pretty interesting things. But then I came across something that made me go, "Oh no he didn't," because, well, apparently he did.Our friend Tiger Woods has reportedly re-proposed to his wife, Elin Nordegren. Apparently, he also threw in a $20 million prenup for good measure, but that's beside the point. Woods also reportedly included an anti-cheating clause with his new declaration of love for his ex-wife. Well, if that's not true romance and the sign of a gentleman, I don't know what is.
What's really got my blood boiling here, boys, is that he would have the audacity to even propose again after he cheated. Who even does that? Now, you know that I'm not one to usually buy into these sorts of reports, but it has me alarmed. Could this be the start of a new trend, one where your cheating heart is neatly tucked under the rug and all is quickly forgiven? I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you can't have it both ways. You can't have it both ways. You can't land on jail and then waltz around GO and collect your $200. Love just doesn't work that way. The heart is a very fragile thing, and even the slightest break could take years to heal. Being as naive as to think -- or, even more so, expect -- it can heal any faster is not only insensitive, but also irresponsible.
I hope -- at the very least -- that you will take this as a cautionary tale, boys. The heart is not your plaything to do with it whatever you want -- to at once put it aside, and then expect it to come crawling back to you whenever your mood dictates. True, people are capable of change, but the heart never forgets. Sound good, boys...? xoxo[Photos via Le Love]
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