Family Photos: More on Ms. Bear

FREE IMAGES

Yesterday, I began telling the tale of how my mother became known as Ms. Bear. And then I realized something: With a moniker like Ms. Bear, my mom couldn't help but pass down some of her strong, fierce traits to me.

After all, this is what has made me reach for so many things in life. In high school, I was a member of the National Honor Society, and in college, I was editor-in-chief of my school newspaper. I don't know if I would have had the confidence to push myself if my mother hadn't been there, cheering me on and always willing to give me a reality check if I ever got down on myself. Yes, I soon discovered my mother's secret superpower lied in her ability to teach me about life as I was in the midst of living it. She's sneaky like that. Mothers aren't just people who shake a stern fist when you track clumps of mud on the porcelain-white living room carpet. And they're not just people who lecture until their face turns a blazing red when you leave heaps of dirty clothes piled in your room. They shape who you are and they must get you ready to go out into that big world, ready to be the person you're meant to become.

And that's why to Janelle and me, she'll always be Ms. Bear. Not because she's a towering, aggressive creature. To us, she represents a larger-than-life figure, a protector who takes care of her baby cubs. When my father died, I know she not only lost her husband but her soul mate. Instead of retreating into despair, she continued to take care of us -- comforting us, hugging us, being our anchor during the storm of grief. I wish all mothers knew how important they are to their children, especially their daughters. We know you're always watching over us like a mother bear watches over her cubs.

I tell my mother, "I'm 31. I can take care of myself.” But in her sneaky, mother know-how, she's able to see right past that. Because the truth is, I wouldn't be who I am without my mother's guiding hand and loving heart, wrapping me in security and peace. Every night before I go to bed, I thank my mom for everything, for all the physical help she's given me that day. She says it's not necessary, but I never want her to forget how much I appreciate her. And as I get older, I know the "Thanks, Mom” is about so much more than the physical assistance. Maybe that's the beauty of it right there. Call me an idealist, but I like to think mothers pass down the best aspects of their personality to their cubs. So all you cubs, go hug your Mama Bear today. She deserves it. xoxo

Family Photos: Meet Ms. Bear (Part One)

FREE IMAGES

Everybody has a nickname for their mother. Maybe they're not comfortable with the traditional Mom label. Case in point: In one of my favorite movies Mermaids, Winona Ryder's character calls her mother Mrs. Flax. She takes the professional-relationship route.

My sister, Janelle, and I call our mother Ms. Bear. She's always been Ms. Bear. I'm not even sure when the nickname came into existence. I suppose it morphed out of the childhood image of my mother rising from her bed chambers. Every morning since I was 10 years old, the scene played out the same way. I'd hear a faint creak of a bed, hear loud footsteps on the carpet (my mother wears a size 12 shoe, of course!) and see the bedroom door fling open. And out would step Ms. Bear. Her hair standing up in all directions like Bozo. One sock hiked up to her knee cap, the other dangling from her toes. And that yawn -- a thunderous call in the wild resembling, you guessed it, a bear. It practically shook the whole house. But Ms. Bear was merely making her presence known. A trailblazer pounding through the forest of life. So many times, we vow that we'll be different from our mother. We won't make the same mistakes she did. But I can't help but wonder: Can we ever really escape becoming our mothers? Is it such a bad thing to become the next generation of June Cleavers or Mrs. Flaxes?

Growing up, Ms. Bear opened a bright, sparkling world to me -- a world in which women could be traditional and nontraditional. They could wear the apron in the kitchen and still be strong, independent feminists. All at the same time. She was a stay-at-home mom for most of my childhood, one of those mothers who wholeheartedly threw herself into motherhood. Sometimes I think she was happiest when my sister and I were hanging on her, clamoring for her love and attention.

The summers turned into our designated Mother/Daughter Time. Living mere blocks from my father's electronics shop at the local university, we pounded the pavement on a sweltering day, and after we visited him and marveled at the newest gadget he was fixing; she took us to the lagoon so we could sit under the weeping willows and feed the ducks. Other weeks, she took us to the library, and I remember immersing myself in the stacks of the children's department. In those times, I wasn't disabled. Or confined to a wheelchair. I was just Melissa -- a little redhead reading Curious George and giggling.

Ms. Bear taught me how to become a raging independent woman when we were forced to leave that innocent bubble and enter the scary medical world of Chicago. I'd had 26 surgeries by the time I was 16, and would typically be put in an Ilizarov, a contraption of pins inserted into the bone that would slowly release the muscles and straighten my legs and feet. We were one of the first families allowed to go home with the Ilizarov. It was standard procedure back then for patients to stay in the hospital for four months for treatment. "My daughter will not be laying in a hospital bed for four months,” my mother informed the doctors in her classic matter-of-fact tone. So each day at home, she became my nurse. Laying out a bottle of rubbing alcohol that reeked through the house, setting aside a pile of sterile gauze and slapping on a pair of gloves, she went to work like a pro -- meticulously cleaning every one of some 40 pins on the Ilizarov. You see, my mom planted the seed in me at a very young age that I could do anything I wanted and that I should never let my disability define me. I think this is what made me reach for so many things in life.

(Make sure to check back tomorrow for Part Two... xoxo)

Family Photos: What I learned in New York City

FREE IMAGES

New York! The Big Apple! Broadway! Whatever you think of when you think New York City, it is bound to have a little excitement associated with it, right? Well, I just got back from a weekend in Manhattan and I learned something there. Here's the story...

I left on Friday to go spend the weekend with my niece Mona, who lives on the Upper West Side. I was ready for some frolicking and fun. Instead, what I got was warm (and not because of the 100-degree heat!) and cozy family time! Who would have thought?

You see, along with Mona, we were overflowing with family that hadn’t seen one another for a while, certainly not since the death of my father, who was truly the patriarch of the family. It turned out that my sister Elaine, nephews John and Mike, along with Mike’s wife Jade, nephew David, wife Belinda, their two sons and my niece Jennifer and her partner Rosita were all there! Everyone was so excited to see one another. We would be looking around at the museum, and we would just stop and start trading stories. We had long lunches and dinners where the focus was on each other and not the food. We commiserated with one another over the sweltering heat! We sat around Mona’s small apartment and watched the newest generation play, and we played right along with them. We teased Mona ceaselessly about her obsessive scheduling of vacations, but in the end, we appreciated having things planned out for us. One morning, when I was out taking pictures for Melissa’s blog, I came back and Mona had a lovely plate of breakfast made for me. Over lunch the last day, I found myself with my camera out, showing my nephew's son the pictures from the weekend and having him tell me who everyone was. And, you know what? He did! I can honestly say that it was not the hubbub of the city that I am going to carry with me; it is the feeling that comes from being with family, and for that, I am very grateful!

During the few quiet times we had, and even during the loud ones, I often found myself thinking about my dad. It'a only been four months since his death, and I couldn't help but think, “Look, Dad. Look at what you created -- your family misses you terribly, but we will go on and live good lives, stay in contact and make you proud!”

So, next time you take a vacation, remember that what you think will happen might not be what really does happen in the end. Maybe what happens will be even better than you ever dreamed!

Summer pasta salad

FREE IMAGES

Over the years, my mom has worked hard to perfect her signature summer pasta salad recipe. Well, I think
she's mastered it. Last night, she made this delicious pasta salad, complete with all sorts of summery ingredients like tomatoes, onions, green peppers and cucumbers.

And, have you been into summer fruits a lot this season? I've been eating a cocktail of peaches, mandarins and strawberries at least three times a week.

What have you been eating this summer, friends? Any favorite foods so far? Thanks, mom, for the wonderful meal! xoxo

P.S. The best part about last night's dinner? We've got leftovers for tonight! Also, my mom's famous cookies. :)

Family Photos: My parents' 35th wedding anniversary

FREE IMAGES

Today would have been my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. Thirty-five years! I can't believe it! Awhile back, I talked about what my parents' marriage has taught me about love (and a few marriage rules they taught me to break...). It's amazing how much we learn about love from our parents, isn't it? After all, they're usually our first encounter with love, and we tend to take our cue from them -- cues about what love is, what it means to truly love someone, what healthy love looks like, how to be a compassionate person.

I'm thankful I had such good role models when it comes to love. While my mom was doing some cleaning today, she came across their marriage certificate. A sign from my father? Like one of his little love pats that he was known for? It's comforting to think that he's somewhere watching us and sending my mom an extra dose of love on their anniversary.

My mom posted this on Facebook last night, and I think it sums up the day pretty well: "Thinking about what was and what might have been make for some wistful thoughts...we were lucky while it lasted..." Lucky, indeed. Thanks, mom and dad, for all the love lessons -- both big and small. Your love has inspired so many! xoxo

P.S. My parents' engagement story + more wedding photos.

Do or Don't: The disability edition

FREE IMAGES

My mom is well into her last week of school before summer vacation, and this week, her students are reading a book about a girl with cerebral palsy. To teach them about disabilities in the real world, she made an awesome PowerPoint and was so excited to show it to me. It was the first PowerPoint she ever made, and she was quite proud of herself -- and so was I. She included everything from why inclusion is so important in schools to some facts about Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome and how I've dealt with my disability over the years. My favorite slide, though, was this one, on what to do and what not to do when interacting with someone with a physical disability...

I'm a big fan of speaking directly to the person. I can't tell you how many times I've been out with someone, especially at a restaurant, and people will come up to us and ask questions as if I'm not even there. It's all about squashing those stereotypes, friends! Way to go, Mom!

P.S. Disability bingo and common disability misconceptions.

Happy Mother's Day!

FREE IMAGES

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful, caring, fantastic, amazing, loving mothers out there! And to my own mother: I am so lucky to have THE BEST MOTHER in the whole world. Thanks for helping me along on the journey of life. I love you. xoxo

Love Lounge: Three lessons from my mother

FREE IMAGES

They say it's only inevitable that we become our parents. Those little quirks and eccentricities we used to roll our eyes at? We somehow suddenly find ourselves saying or doing things we once swore we'd never do. There comes a point where there's just no denying the truth anymore, and my truth? I've reached that point. But I'm learning to embrace it -- maybe even love it. So after my mom wrote about motherhood this morning, I thought it only appropriate to return the favor. Here are the top 3 lessons I've learned from my mother...

Always walk with your head held high
I could on and on about the importance of a strong female role model in shaping a young girl's life. I was lucky enough to have that in my mom. She taught me to carry bravery with me wherever I went and to always be proud of who you are. There will always be people who don't like you (like this person...), but hold your head high because those people don't matter.

Always put family first
The people that do matter? Your family. Always, always, always put them first. After all, they're the people who have seen you at your worst and have stuck by you. Take it from me -- I didn't always make hospital living look as glamorous as this, so trust me when I say that you could never ask for better people in your corner cheering you on as you make your way through life.

Always make time for laughing
I swear, seeing my mom laugh puts the biggest smile on my face. She gets this jolly childlike look in her eyes that is contagious, and before I know it, I'm completely unable to keep a straight face. After 10 years of some not-so-good times, a little laughter can go a long way. And when I think about it, there's no one I'd rather laugh with than my mom.

So, friends, with Mother's Day coming up, tell me: What lessons has your mother passed down to you? Have you turned into her yet? And what lessons do you hope to pass on to your own kids someday? Let's chat! xoxo

Guest Post: My mom on motherhood

FREE IMAGES

Well, once again, Melissa has asked me to do a guest post on her blog. I always get a bit nervous when she asks me because she is the writer in the family, not me! But, here goes...

My mother Elenore Erlandson was indeed the best mother any person could ask for. I remember the feeling of security that I had when I was really young when I would literally hide in her skirts (I was a shy little thing!). She taught me the power of just being there. How lucky I was! She also taught me to take responsibility for myself...there were no excuses for misbehaving in our house, especially out in public or in school. It just didn't happen, as we would never want to disappoint her or my dad. Of course, we were typical kids, and sometimes we would act up. These were the times I learned responsibility for my actions. I remember how mad I would get when, after I would slam my door yet another time, my mom would -- oh so calmly -- come up, open the door and ask me to close it properly. She taught me gentleness mixed with the firmness that children need to succeed. I still have a bottle of her perfume that I open to this day and breathe in the essence of my dear mother.

Melissa also asked me what I have learned from being a mother. Well, it sure is not as easy as my mother made it look! It’s the hardest yet most-rewarding job I have ever had. I know that sounds trite, but the reason people always say it is because it is so true! I have also learned that, if my mom was anything like me at my age, that maybe she was not as sure of herself as I perceived her to be! Being a mother is a gift, and I am so lucky to have my two “girls”!

She also asked me what three things I wish someone would have told me about being a mother. There is only one that stands out…..DO NOT WORRY SO MUCH! 99% of what I have worried about over the years never came to pass, and the other 1% got dealt with as it came up. Loosen up, let the house be messy and spend every moment that you can with your kids. Time really does pass in the blink of an eye!

P.S. More posts on motherhood.

Mother's Day Gift Guide!

FREE IMAGES

Affirmation bouquet of her favorite flowers and little love notes.

Botaniculture hand lotion for a calm and soothing bedtime routine, $26.

In Season, a cookbook filled with more than 150 recipes inspired by farmers' market ingredients, so she can spend her summer whipping up delicious new dishes, $35.

A set of state dish towels to celebrate special moments and places, $20 per towel.

These fun optimistic/pessimistic glasses because to her, the glass was always half full, $25.

A smartphone case since she's always losing her phone, $35.95.

An Every Occasion Notecard Set because she loves sending personalized notes, $22.

I Could Pee On This because she treats her cats like her children, $12.95.

A Cookie-of-the-Month subscription to say "Thank for" for all those times she made them for you, $69.95 and up (Mrs. Fields looks delicious too!).

A beach bum basket, including a tote bag ($28) and striped slippers ($35), so she can fully relax and recharge this summer.

A personalized family tree print to hang above her bed because family is the center of her world, $45.

Always A Mother necklace because she always says that being a mother is her most important job, $40.

A Mother's Day card with a handwritten note inside since that's all she really wants, $4.50.

P.S. More gifts for women and other gift guides...

Tiny Initial Necklace Giveaway!

FREE IMAGES

Just in time for Mother's Day! Today's giveaway is from Simona of Vivien Frank Designs, a Switzerland-based boutique full of dainty and delicate necklaces and bracelets. Simona describes her collection as "a collision of Bohemian chic and modern...with an edgy twist fused with fine Silver, sterling silver, waxed linen cord and anything else that can be combined and knotted together." The collection is forever changing and evolving.

She's offering this tiny initial necklace ($82 value) to one lucky reader. The beautiful necklace comes with two personalized charms that are hand stamped with two letters or numbers. I love jewelry that reflects your personality and lets you tell a story. What sort of story would you tell, friends?

For your chance to win, simply visit Vivien Frank Designs, and leave a comment below telling us how you'd personalize your necklace if you won. You can also LIKE Vivien Frank Designs on Facebook, FOLLOW on Twitter and GET INSPIRED on Pinterest for extra entries. A winner will be chosen at random tomorrow afternoon. Have fun! xoxo

Update: Congrats to winner Hannah. Thanks so much! :)

Family Photos: Happy Earth Day!

FREE IMAGES

My mom has always been a big fan of nature photography. In fact, I've often told her that she should moonlight as a nature photographer when she retires. She has an amazing knack for capturing nature at its rawest and most honest in such an intimate way. Framed photos of her sunsets, beach shots and fall foliage dot our hallways, and in honor of Earth Day, here are a few more of my favorite shots. The two above are from our classic walks during the summer.

The Gulf of Mexico is such a soothing and peaceful place for us -- it's always been like our second home. What is it about waves that is so calming?

How are you celebrating Earth Day, friends? What do you love about the great outdoors? Favorite activity? Favorite outdoor sport? I'd love to hear! xoxo

Family Photos: Snow day adventure

FREE IMAGES

Two words: SNOW DAY!!! We finally got that winter wonderland we've been waiting for all season. The snow has been coming down all day -- in those big, gorgeous, one-of-a-kind flakes that stick to your hair and jacket. See the proof below (even Harry was covered in snowflakes)...

Thanks to my mom, who used her sheer strength to shovel a path for me...

"It's the ends of the Earth," as my father used to say...

There's something so peaceful and calming about looking outside and seeing a blanket of snow, isn't there? Are you snowed in today, friends? xoxo

 

P.S. Remember the Great Blizzard of 2011?

 

[Thanks to my mom for taking these gorgeous photos] 

My Father's Suicide: On my mother's strength

FREE IMAGES

My mother turned 57 last month. She turned 47 a decade ago -- two months before my father committed suicide. Deep down, I know it's a lesson in futility, but I can't tell you the number of times that I've played out conversations with my father in my head. And this year, right around her birthday, I found myself with a new topic on my mind.

We've all grown and changed and adapted since my father's suicide. We simply had no choice; it was something we had to do. One of the many things my father told us in his suicide note, which I've been able to bring myself to read only once or twice, was that my sister and I needed to take care of our mother. "She's going to need you," he instructed us.

It got me thinking: If only I could talk to my dad about this. There's so much I'd like to tell him. I figure it would go something like this...

 

Father, don't you realize just how utterly amazing and strong mom is? If only you knew all the things she's done -- by herself -- over the last 10 years. She sees every day as an opportunity to make a positive impact in the lives of her students. For the last several years, she has led a Rainbows grief group, helping and supporting students who are grieving the loss of a parent. She's singled-handedly created a safe and nurturing environment where Rainbows members are able to share their feelings open and honestly. Her genuine heart, leadership and sense of service has shown in her personal commitment to the community as well. She's long believed in the beauty of helping others and is always there to lend a helping hand, loving heart or sympathetic ear. It's hard to measure her dedication and love. It's something you'd have to see. It's in the smiles of her students after she's helped them with an extra tricky math problem. It's in the warm hugs -- and warm cookies -- given to the sick in the hopes of a speedy recovery. It's all these things -- things that take some people a lifetime to achieve -- that are all in a day's work for her.

 

And she did all these things by herself. Of course, Janelle and I were there for her, but she did them. Maybe partly because of you. Maybe partly in spite of you. But it's a shame that you're not here to see all the wonderful things she's done because, really, she's quite the dynamo.

That's the sort of conversation I've had floating around in my head for past month or so. Maybe my dad has been listening somewhere. Who knows? It's something to think about, isn't it? xoxo